A Music Lover's Guide To LA

Los Angeles is where musicians come to break into the industry and thus it supplies a nearly limitless array of establishments and activities to sustain the music lover's soul. From the big names flowing freely through the iconic Hollywood Bowl to the bands just getting their foot in the door at The Satellite, L.A. offers something for everyone.

The Hollywood Bowl, is located in the heart of Hollywood proper just a mere three blocks from Grauman's Chinese Theater. Established in 1922, the open air theater takes advantage of L.A.'s yearly 329 days of sunshine and utilizes the temperate evenings which typically feature a soft breeze straight from the local mountains. Past concerts have included M83, Vampire Weekend, The XX, Earth Wind and Fire, John Williams, Kristin Chenoweth and Yo-Yo Ma. Beyond the rock bands and classical masters that grace the stage weekly, they also host special events like the annual Sound of Music Sing-along, classical music nights, and ABBA fest. The concert season usually starts in June and ends in September.

Walt Disney Music Hall

The Walt Disney Concert Hall is a much more modern addition to LA's musical landscape. Completed in 2003 after a slew of budget and construction setbacks, the hall is now home to the Los Angeles Philharmonic Orchestra and the Los Angeles Master Chorale. In true Hollywood fashion, the Walt Disney Concert Hall is frequently used as a set for television shows and movies; on occasion studios even use it for movie premiers. The venue is frequently praised for its superior acoustics and the orchestra's ability to play on the space's special nuances to bring even more life to their performances. Both an architectural wonder and classical music lover's dream, everyone should see a concert here at least once. You haven't heard Wagner's Siegfried Idyll until you've heard it reverberating off these walls.

If your heart speeds up at the thought of discovering unsigned indie bands, check out one of the many smaller music venues peppered throughout the greater Los Angeles area. Venues like Hotel Café, The Mint, Troubadour, The Satellite, and The Roxy Theater feature up and coming bands you can see in the comfort of your corner bar before they are selling out the Staples Center. Each one has its own charm. From Hipster to Hole in the Wall these smaller venues offer an intimate music experience with small but dedicated crowds. There is nothing quite like twenty ounces of PBR, L.A.'s perpetual summer, and a good band that no one has ever heard of.

Amoeba Records is a mecca for the world's record collectors. Taking up an entire city block, it is officially the world's largest independently owned record store. Well educated staff and two epic floors of records, CDs, movies, and memorabilia can easily take up an entire weekend if you decide to comb through everything they have to offer. If you are looking for something obscure, Amoeba is a good place to start. For example, they actually had a copy of the You've Got Mail soundtrack, new and still plastic wrapped fifteen years after the movie's theatrical release. Beyond their boasted millions of music items for sale, they are also an acclaimed concert venue.

Follow them on Twitter @AmoebaRecords for frequent chances to score free tickets to upcoming shows. Get there when they open, park in the garage below the store and make a day of it.

The Grammy Museum is 30,000 square feet of music history all in one building. Spread out over four floors, music memorabilia reigns supreme. On display you'll find something from every aspect of the music business from industrial grade recording equipment to the Songwriter's Hall of Fame. Current special and traveling exhibits highlight music legends such as The Beach Boys, Ringo Star, Michael Jackson, and Boy Dylan. This museum is also home to the 200-seat Clive Davis Theater which is currently used to show special backstage footage from the 50th annual Grammy Celebration. On top of its priceless collection of music paraphernalia, the museum has taken it upon themselves to educate a new generation of music enthusiasts. Their educational programs encompass all things music, and are available to kids in grades six through twelve.

From the star-studded sidewalk pointing the way to one of Hollywood's longest living venues to the newest dive bar showcasing the city's finest musical surprises, the smog and smut of Los Angeles offers themselves up as a havens for music's apt pupils.

This post is written by Tiffany Williams of the blog "The L.A. Transplant." A website dedicated to helping people move to Los Angeles and adjust to life there. We feature news, entertainment, tips and deals. Visit http://www.latransplant.com to connect with our community today.

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9 Steps To A Happy Life Using Patient Education And Counseling

The following is a question most people who are diagnosed with a chronic illness have asked themselves "What can I do about the stress and mental anguish and fear I am feeling each and every day after receiving this diagnosis and how can I live a happy life?" This is a situation and a question I understand, because I also have a chronic illness and I have had the same question. I know what it is like to sit and worry about what is going to happen next and I've let those thoughts ruin my time I have now. The answer to the initial question lies in the following paragraphs.

This is a very tricky question to answer, but the actual answer, or process, is simple to carry out and it doesn't cost a penny. The only thing you will have to spend is time. Time practicing what I am about to share with you. The challenging part is changing the way you are thinking. What I am about to share with you works; I know it does because I live it and I use it successfully each and every day. Before I go any further I have to give thanks to a friend of mine, Fr. Bob Hunt. He introduced me to this way of thinking and feeling. I am going to try and explain how you can actually learn to enjoy each day, be happy and still live with chronic illness.

The reason this new way of thinking takes time is you have been thinking the way you are now your entire life. It will take time and practice to get into a new thinking process. Second, most of us have never really thought about, or have been taught, where or how our feelings and emotions are generated. This being the case most of you will be skeptical of any new ideas. Follow the tips I am about to share with you and you will start to enjoy and live each day gladly, be happy, in spite of your diagnosis.

Most people think "I can't help how I feel. I just feel that way." The problem with this statement is it isn't true. No one just feels. What I am about to share with you is considered one of the greatest medical/psychiatric discoveries of the last 100 years. Scientists and Psychiatrists have proven that every feeling you have ever had is a direct result of a thought! Since you are the only one in control of your mind, you are the only one who can control your thoughts and therefore your feelings. It's that simple. The problem, as I have stated before, is most people are unaware of this fact. Most people have given up control of their minds to other people, or other things. When we give up control of our minds we give up control of our feelings. Our feelings become like a leaf blowing in the wind solely dependent on circumstance (like a leaf is to the wind) to determine which direction they will go. The key to this process is using your subconscious mind to your benefit. I suggest you read up on how the subconscious mind works, how it is active 24/7 even when you are sleeping and how it absorbs everything and accepts it as real.

The following are 9 steps to a happy life that you can use toward enjoying each day of your life regardless of what has happened to you.

1. Remember that you are the one who controls your mind and your thoughts and therefore your feelings. Fill your mind with pleasant and positive thoughts. Do this constantly throughout each day. Self affirmation works. "I like me I am a good person. I like me I am a good person." Yours can be whatever you want. Just say it to yourself all the time and be aware of how you are thinking and feeling and why. Stay away from negative thoughts and negative people. Recognize and be aware of when you are thinking negative thoughts and shut them down. Take your lead from my brother Dan. In his 50 years of life he spent the last 25 of them suffering from all the complications from Diabetes. These complications included gangrene and amputations, partial blindness, kidney failure, dialysis and 2 kidney transplants, 6 open heart surgeries, several near death experiences, and more than his share of infections and everyday common illnesses that almost killed him do to the immunosuppressive drugs he had to take. Yet, he was the most positive upbeat and friendly person you ever wanted to meet. He lived his life by the poem "Attitude" by Charles Swindol. Find it, read it and live it!

2. Understand that worry is a total waste of time. The only thing worry can do is make you sicker. It can't cure you, it can't solve your problems and it can't change what has already happened. You control worry by controlling your thoughts and therefore your feelings/worry.

3. You must have a how can I attitude and not an I can't attitude. I am in the education field and I have always taught my students this. If you operate from "how can I? Attitude" you are going to find a way. If you operate from "I can't, it can't be done." you have already given up. Don't do this to yourself. When the hospital admissions person tells you "we can't do that." You must ask why, or explain what you need and ask her how we can make this happen. Learn it, live it, love it.

4. You must learn to live each moment in the now. Teach yourself, remind yourself of this fact daily. You can't go back in time to change the past, you have no guarantee you will even be here tomorrow. Don't waste the now on thinking about the past or future. Each of us has only this one moment right now and, as you read this, it is gone. Live in the now. Be where you are when you are there.

5. Focus on your blessings and count them each day. You have so many gifts that you have been blessed with as a unique one of a kind creation. First and foremost you have the greatest most powerful computer on the face of the earth inside of you known as your brain/mind. This gift alone is priceless and it makes you like God. Like God our brains give us the ability to create, to love, to encourage, to give compassion and feel compassion, to reason and think and not just act out of instinct, and it gives us life. You can see, you can walk, you can talk, and you can hear, you can think, you can touch and feel, you can breathe and smell and your body is so amazing that no man can duplicate it. These are all your blessings. Learn to appreciate what you have been given. Don't be like the spoiled child who is given much without earning it and doesn't appreciate or understand its value. You must count these blessings each and every day and appreciate what you have been given daily.

6. Understand that each human being, including you, is a unique one of a kind irreplaceable creation. You are handpicked by God to be you. Understand how and why we place value on things and apply that same standard to yourself. What makes a Stradivarius violin valuable, a painting by Monet' or a handwritten play by Shakespeare valuable? Well? First the creators of these things were masters and second there are only a few of them in existence and third they are irreplaceable. Now apply this value system to each human being and to yourself. Each of us is a unique one of a kind creation. There is no one on this planet like you. There never has been and there never will be another like you. Each human being is irreplaceable. And most importantly our creator is the greatest master of them all. This makes you, based on the value standard we use, the most priceless creation on this planet! Live each day with this in mind and remind yourself of it all the time.

7. This next one may seem a little harsh but it must be stated. We are all going to die and there is nothing we can do about that fact. We must accept this and vow to make the most out of each moment we have on this planet. What we can do is extend our time on this earth with healthy living and healthy thinking. We can choose to live gladly and appreciate all that we have been given.

8. Read and do research on how your mind and subconscious works. I recommend books by Og Mandino. I also recommend tapes and or videos from Father Bob Hunt who is located in Orlando FL, but his business is out of Ohio.

In my articles I am always focusing on patient education and counseling. The information I just shared with you is in that vein. In order to live life gladly, to have a happy life and not waste a moment of your time on this earth you have to learn how to think properly. You must realize that you alone have the power to be happy even during times of stress and illness. This doesn't mean you walk around laughing all the time showing no awareness of what is going on in your life. It doesn't mean you aren't going to be sad or scared at different times in your life. It does, however, mean that through proper awareness of how your mind works you will be aware of your thoughts, your feelings and how to control them. Proper Patient education and counseling is what makes the positive difference when dealing with chronic illness. Remember, you are not your disease! It is up to you to think properly in order to live a happy and healthy life.

9. You must have a how can I attitude and not a I can't attitude. I am in the education field and I have always taught my students this. If you operate from "how can I?" you are going to find a way. If you operate from "I can't, it can't be done." You have already given up. Don't do this to yourself. When the hospital admissions person say "we can't do that." You must ask why, or explain what you need and ask her "how can we?" make this happen. Learn it, live it, love it.

In my articles I am always focusing on patient education and counseling.The information I just shared with you is in that vein. In order to live life gladly and not waste a moment of your time on this earth with worry, you have to learn how to think properly. You must realize that you alone have the power to be happy even during times of stress and illness. This doesn't mean you walk around laughing all the time showing no awareness of what is going on in your life. It doesn't mean you aren't going to be sad or scared at different times in your life. It does, however, mean that through proper awareness of how your mind works you will be aware of your thoughts, your feelings and how to control them. Proper patient education and counseling is what makes the positive difference when dealing with "bad news" from your doctor. Remember, you are not your disease! It is up to you to think properly in order to live life gladly.

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It's Possible to Be Happy Living Alone - Tips to Stay Happy

Are you distressed by the prospect of living alone even if the house is one you are comfortable in? Many people hate being alone even for short periods of time because they feel anxious without the company of the people they are accustomed to having around. This can curtail your life terribly and it can also make you quite difficult to have around since the people who you want to have around you might feel unfairly restricted.

There are a few things you could do in order to reduce your anxiety at living alone and they are:

Pick up a hobby - You will have very little time to feel depressed or anxious if you have a woodworking or sewing project to complete or even a book to read. Your brain will be kept busy this way, leaving it very little time to contemplate your solitude. Make sure that you pick a hobby that suits your temperament and skills so that you stick with it for a long time.

Get a pet - A pet can serve as a great substitute for a human being who has gone out of your life temporarily or for good. You can choose a high maintenance one such as a dog or a low maintenance one such as a fish or gerbil. In fact, the very presence of a fish tank in your house will help to relax you very much.

Stay in touch with lots of people - You can use technology to stay in touch with people without really needing to step out of your home. If your friends and family members are scattered all over the country or even the world, you could use the internet to stay in touch with them without spending too much money. Keep your interactions short and sweet so that they do not consider your calls and messages to be burdensome.

Be of help to others - You will forget about your problems if you focus on other people's troubles. Find out if you can help a charitable organization with work that can be done from home, such as administrative tasks.

You will be able to manage being alone if you can keep yourself busy following these tips. In fact, you'll find it quite possible to be reasonably happy living alone as long as you know how to help yourself. This will also gradually reduce your dependence on others.

Read about the things you can do in order to be happy living alone. Follow these tips in order to stay quite content and free of stress being alone.

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Cute True Short Love Stories for Couples Make Valentine’s Day 2014 Special "relation quotes"

Collection of Top 10 Tiny Love Stories Based on Real facts to Read on Valentine’s Day 2014 with your Partner (For Him/Her)- find the Meaning of True Love in These Beautiful Short Love Stories – Stories to share on valentine eve with boyfriend / Girlfriend

• It was already 10.15 a.m. and I was cursing myself for not getting out of bed sooner and having to rush to get ready for work. After a rushed morning routine and hurried goodbye kiss to my wife, I somehow managed to catch my usual morning train to work. Sitting in the train, and after surfing through a few news articles on my tablet I looked up to ease my neck straining from constantly looking down. I couldn't help but notice the bored, gloomy people around that could not wait to get through the day sooner than they started. With the trademark indifference that defines one of the traits of my city, I looked out the window when the train stopped at a station. I noticed a couple with a bouquet and cuddling up to each other.

This was not something I saw daily and it made me smile.  Suddenly, I checked the date in my tablet hoping I haven’t missed anything. I hadn’t, but in a second it took me right back to the day when I sat at one of these stations with my girlfriend, now my wife, holding hands and looking into each other’s eyes. She had the most beautiful eyes in the world and a smile most assuring. She missed seven trains that day saying each time that she would take the next, not caring a bit about the scolding she would get at home for returning late. We were truly in love. That love was the reason we chose to be with each other. I remembered the time when she packed lunch for me when we were dating. It was the first time she had cooked in her life and she wanted me to be the one to taste it first. I could remember everything from the time we met till this morning when she had that same loving look in her eye when I stepped out for work. I realized how much I loved her and that I was guilty of not telling her off late how much I did. I could have spent the rest of my journey just visiting our memories from the past years, but I said to myself, “Why visit memories when I can create many more beautiful ones?” My work day had just gotten over and I took the next train back home to make her day special.

• It was a usual Sunday evening after my wife and I came back from a quick trip to the mall. I was talking to my mum while my wife was helping prepare for dinner when her dad called. “Hello, hi dad…” is all I could hear as she was moving around while talking to him. It’s been three years since we got married and I cannot recollect many days when he hasn’t called. It’s like a ritual that he follows every single day. He calls either while driving to work before going to bed.

He is a man of few words. I have never had a phone conversation with him lasting more than one minute. He doesn’t have long conversations with his daughter either, but it is enough to make me realize the love he has for her. The assurance of his daughter being fine and doing well lets him sleep peacefully. It touched not only me but also my mother who noticed her talking to him. My mother told me that’s what a father’s love for her daughter is and how special daughters are for them.

It made me appreciate him all the more and consider my wife lucky for having such a loving father. No matter how old daughters become and what they achieve in life, a daughter to her father is always that little darling with a twinkle in her eye. One who makes him the happiest father in the world.

• I had just completed my MBA and come back to my hometown to start a new job in an MNC. Life seemed perfect with the new job and a boss who was also a friend from my college days. I visited his place on a couple of occasions and was waiting to pick him up en route to office one day, when I saw a familiar face in a car coming out of the same building my friend stayed in. While it took me less than a second to recognize the person, it also took me back 3 years to a time when I had a crush on this gorgeous girl. At once, an image of her from then flashed across my mind. She was a fair, petit girl with a million dollar smile. Without speaking a word, she could easily have a conversation through those big expressive eyes and gauge what’s going on in your mind.

She also instantly recognized me with those beautiful eyes and gave back the same angelic smile that always made me go week in my knees. She stopped the car and stepped out to meet me along with this man. I had no clue how to react in front of him and wished I just vanished from there. After a long warm hug she introduced that man to me as her brother. In that moment, I experienced feelings of relief, confusion, joy and concern as I could see her holding back her tears from the happiness of seeing me. Irrespective of her status, I fell in love with her - again. We exchanged numbers and over the next few days I learned her relationship with the other guy did not work out. She was aware of my feelings for her then but never had the courage to contact me thinking I would be married or be in a relationship. My feelings for her had never changed and I was the happiest person to have her back in my life. We are getting married this year and I have no doubt I will be the happiest person. Guess when the love is true, nature conspires to make it happen.

• I had just completed my engineering course and taken up a part time job to support some of my own expenses and further studies as I did not want to burden my mother for such finances. I was diagnosed with jaundice within a few weeks of joining the job and had to be hospitalized for a few days. My mother took me to the best hospital in the city so that my treatment was not compromised and that I could get well soon. I still remember her traveling 20 kms every day to get me home cooked food and staying beside me at the hospital throughout the night. This took a toll on her health as well but that did not deter her from doing what she wanted to. I came back home in a few days only to see tears of joy in my mother’s eyes not caring about her own health. I can never be grateful enough to her for doing what she has done for me and my siblings, and still continues to do so in some way or the other. It is rightly said, no form of love can be purer than the love a mother has for her children. I am lucky to have her as my mother and without her I would never be where I am today.

• I had been preparing for my MBA entrance exams while working but soon realized the work shifts were taking a toll on me and I was not able to concentrate on my studies. I had to quit my job to study for my entrance exams and join a B-School in the next academic year. I got through the entrance exams and secured a seat in one the country’s better B-Schools. I was willing to take an education loan for the course like many other students. More so, as I did not want to put a strain on my family’s resources after my father’s demise. It was my mother who convinced me otherwise and said she would fund my education and it’s only a matter of two years before I can start earning. Despite all my efforts to convince her for a loan option, she did not let me do so. I saw her cutting family costs in order to pay my tuition fees and sacrifice on so many things while I was away. After competing my course and securing a decent job, I one day asked her why she did not let me take a student loan when lot of students did. Her answer was simple, “Son, I did not want you to start your career with paying off a loan”. This left me in tears and realized how unconditional a mother’s love for her child is.

• I was waiting for my train at the railway waiting room as I had reached the station a couple of hours before the train arrived. The waiting room was almost full of people when an elderly couple walked in and started looking for seats. The seat next to me was empty so I offered my seat so that they could sit together. The couple was by themselves and was traveling alone. No one had come to drop them to the station. I could not help but notice how lovingly the man held his wife’s hand and her purse in his other hand. He thanked me and made her sit in one the seats and asked her to remain seated while he got them some coffee. Age had no effect on their love and the man had the same love in his eyes that he must have had for her years ago. He also had this mischievous smile on his face that told me they are old only by age and not by spirit. A little while later, the man came back with two cups of coffee and sat beside her. I was sitting where I could see and hear them and to be honest I could not stop observing them. He had a sip from his cup and said, “I added so much sugar but this coffee is not nearly as sweet as you”. This brought a big smile to the faces of most people who heard him say that to the love of his life.

• A little while later while going towards the train, I asked them how they do managed to keep the love going. Witty as he was, the man retorted, “Son, she was precious to me when we met and she is even more precious to me now”. I got my answer. They were not only with each other but still also appreciated each other’s value which kept the spark in the relationship alive.

• I was driving to work when my car broke down close to a traffic signal. I had to wait till my local mechanic could come to check the problem in the car. At this point, I saw a beggar- old and fragile whose body had withered away due to hunger and old age. I often saw him at the same signal and would occasionally help him with some money. This was the first time I looked at him so closely and was really moved at his condition. I decided to buy him some food so that he could have a decent meal. I got a meal packed from a nearby restaurant and gave it to him which he quickly put away in his bag. I asked him to eat it while it was still hot and he said, “The joy of eating it cold but with my wife will be much more than the joy of eating it hot but alone”. He blessed me and walked away with the food tucked inside his bag. I realized how much he must love and care for his wife. I could only stand in awe of this man who had nothing except love but was not willing to lose even a bit of it. Life can be hard but love makes the journey easier. 

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How to Celebrate Valentine's Day " relation quotes "

Valentine's Day sets back to around 3rd century in Europe, according to a legend^[1]. The legend's love and affection has been carried on throughout history. February 14th is the day to spread the love and exchange affectionate gifts to one another. Here is an article of how to celebrate Valentine's Day.

steps 

1 _ Spend quality time with a loved one. Go out to a nice restaurant or create a special dinner. Cuddle with your significant other on a couch and watch a movie. Try to avoid distractions, such as surfing the internet, chatting on the phone while around people, or deciding to do other things by yourself or with another group of people.

2 _ Make a homemade card for someone. The card will have more meaning to it if it's created by you instead of buying a card from a store. Use your own words to describe the person you're giving it to. Create a poem or a note of appreciation. Add a little "copyrighted" symbol on the back of the card for fun.

3  _ Think of candy, chocolate, and sweets. If you are getting something for a school classmate, get a small box of those sugary hearts with the little sayings on them. If you wish, you can make a chocolate recipe along with someone else on Valentine's Day.

4 _ Express your words with a rose. While lavender (or purple) are seen more on first dates and secret "love at first sight" times, white roses are a tradition for weddings. Pink, orange, and yellow roses are viewed as admiration, excitement, and friendship respectively. The yellow and pink are very similar and can be used for the same events. Finally, the red rose, as the color expresses and emphasizes beauty and love. Red roses are traditionally exchanged by couples and people whom wish to express their feelings towards another.

Enjoy Valentine's Day alone. Who says that people need a companion for this one day of the year? Treat yourself to a spa or a long bubble bath. Take a long drive and enjoy the scenery. If it's too snowy or iced down, stay in and watch sports games or that romantic movie on cable. Some people get lucky on this day

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All marriages have problems. Here’s a simple, easy way to fight smarter and stay happier.

I’ll start this month’s column with two facts of life that seem at odds. First, relationships—especially marriage and marriage-like partnerships—are good for us and good for our health. When you have a partner who supports you, encourages you, helps you be the best person you can be, and also has sex with you, this is about the most wonderful thing in the world. 

I take that back—it is the most wonderful thing in the world.

QUIZ: Are You Sexually Satisfied?

Unfortunately, the second fact is that the quality (read: satisfaction, passion, trust, intimacy, etc.) of our relationships declines over time for just about everyone. Once you fall in love with someone and create an enduring bond, that bond starts to come apart. I don’t mean to sound all doom and gloom here, but this is a well-replicated scientific finding. Even among happy couples, relationship quality declines in a systematic fashion over time.

Everyone who has a long-term partner nods their head like crazy when someone states the obvious: “Relationships require work.” If you don’t work hard to maintain the quality of your relationship, the glue keeping you together begins to weaken. Next thing you know, it’s 10 years later and you’re wondering how the hell things got so damn bad.

This second fact about relationships prompts obvious questions: What can we do to keep the passion alive? How can we prevent our relationship problems from worsening and becoming truly corrosive? One answer to this question, of course, is that you can go into therapy. This is all well and good if you have the time and the money, but what if you don’t think your problems warrant therapy? Things aren’t terrible, but they’re not that great, either. What should we do now?

MORE: Learn How to Cut Your Losses and Just Walk Away

Luckily, there’s a hot-off-the-presses new research study by Eli Finkel and colleagues at Northwestern University that gives us an excellent answer to this question. These researchers have invented a seven-minute writing intervention that stalls the natural decline of marital quality.

Here’s how their study worked. One hundred twenty married couples (married an average of 11 years at the start of the study) completed an internet survey every four months for two years. At the end of the first year, half the couples were randomly assigned to a seven-minute conflict reappraisal intervention. (Reappraisal is fancy word for thinking differently.

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How to Overcome Envy So It Doesn’t Poison Your Relationships

“Enjoy your own life without comparing it with that of another.” ~Marquis de Condorc

I struggled to offer a tight smile to a friend who had achieved a life-changing career break.

Although I was thrilled and excited for my friend, I was sad and disappointed in myself. I, too, had worked hard and waited patiently, but unlike my friend, my work and my wait continued, unacknowledged and unrewarded.

At first I didn’t notice I had been bitten by envy. But its invisible poison infected my bloodstream, polluting my future interactions with my friend. I was guarded, afraid of being hurt yet again by yet another one of my friend’s successes.

Each conversation rubbed between us, creating a visible strain in our relationship. Over time, I started to avoid her. She couldn’t understand why I was pulling away. Envy was killing our friendship.

For years, I sat on the other side of envy. I was the one who friends showered with praise while hiding the sorrow in their hearts.

One particular girlfriend who was equally talented and creative felt stuck in a dead-end teaching career that seemed to restart each two years at a different school, preventing her from the security of tenure.  She devoted all her free time to her students, sacrificing her dreams of writing and art. Finally, after yet another lay off, she crumbled into depression.

She glanced over at me and felt the sting of envy. Here I was, married with children, both with publication credits and art exhibits, and a teaching gig to boot. Why couldn’t she have a little bit of what I had?

At the time, I didn’t know how to comfort or encourage her. Envy festered until it overpowered the love we once shared. The friendship dissolved in bitterness and misunderstanding. 

Now, years later, as more and more of my friends enjoy greater and greater success, I understand what my estranged friend must have endured all those years. If I didn’t do something, envy would kill off my friendships just like it had done years ago.

But how do you treat poison envy?

It’s taken a lot longer to learn how to turn away from envy, but here are the four steps I used to free myself from its bondage and transform my life.

1. Stop comparing yourself to others.

The first step to releasing the hold envy has on your life is to turn away from what you see others have and face the truth about yourself.

As long as I was staring at my friends’ successes, I could not see that the dissatisfaction I felt had nothing to do with the victories of others and everything to do with the losses I perceived in myself.

Once I turned the mirror away from others, I discovered I was not where I wanted to be in life. The envy I felt toward the success of others only masked the disappointment I felt in myself.

2. Stop judging.

Judgment, even self-imposed judgment, divides and conquers the soul into tiny squares designed to punish. I was stuck, unable to leapfrog to the next level of success, which was bad. My friends, on the other hand, were standing at the top of the mountain, which was good.

I didn’t understand that good and bad are relative terms. Without them, things just are.

Once I stopped judging myself, I was able to accept where I was. It may not have been where I wanted to be, but I was no longer angry about it.

3. Start seeing things clearly.

With no one to blame, I was forced to accept responsibility for where I was and how I got there.

Without the veil of envy, without the mirrors of comparison, without the torture of judgment, I saw the truth clearly: I was not where I wanted to be because I was not who I needed to become.

I had the education, the work experience, and the job skills needed to get promoted, but my attitude of entitlement kept me sidelined. It was only in realizing I was no one special that my humility allowed for my true light to shine. Others took notice of the internal change, and I was promptly promoted to the job I had been craving.

Once I stopped comparing myself to others and acknowledged the truth about myself, the damaging effects of envy melted away. I was no longer pitted against my friends.

Now I enjoy the blessings others have been given without the shadow of self-pity.  And I am able to champion their success even if our blessings our different. I start each day anew, focused on my journey, no longer derailed by the journeys of others. I keep my friendships intact, even flourishing, without the bitterness of jealousy or the darkness of sorrow or the strangling voice of defeat.

You, too, can treat the poison envy in your life. Start by turning the mirror away from others and toward yourself. Stop judging your life by impossible standards. See yourself clearly for the first time:  a wonderfully flawed human being with passionate goals.

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How to Respond to Negative People Without Being Negative

“Don’t let the behavior of others destroy your inner peace.” ~Tenzin Gyatso, 14th Dalai Lama

A woman with whom I once worked seemed to talk non-stop and loudly, interrupt incessantly, gossip about whomever wasn’t in the room, constantly complain, and live quite happily in martyrdom.

It seemed nothing and no one escaped her negative spin. She was good at it. She could twist the happiest moment of someone’s life into a horrendous mistake. She seemed to enjoy it too.

At first, my judgmental mind thought her behavior to be quite inappropriate. I simply didn’t approve of it. But after weeks of working with her, the thought of spending even one more moment in her presence sent me into, well, her world.

Her negativity was infectious. More and more, I found myself thinking about her negativity, talking with others about her negativity, and complaining about her constant negativity.

For a while, though, I listened to her whenever she followed me into the lunchroom or the ladies’ room. I didn’t know what to say, or do, or even think. I was held captive.

I’d excuse myself from the one-sided chit-chat as soon as possible, wanting to someday be honest enough to kindly tell her that I choose not to listen to gossip. Instead, I chose avoidance. I avoided eye contact, and any and all contact. Whenever I saw her coming, I’d get going and make for a quick getaway. I worked hard at it, too.

And it was exhausting because whether I listened to her or not, or even managed to momentarily escape her altogether, I was still held captive by her negativity.

I interacted with her only a handful of times a month, but her negative presence lingered on in my life. And I didn’t like it. But what I didn’t like didn’t really matter—I wanted to look inside myself to come up with a way to escape, not just avoid, a way to just let go of the hold this negativity had on me.

And when I did look within, I saw that I was the one exaggerating the negative. I chose to keep negativity within me even when she wasn’t around. This negativity was mine. So, as with most unpleasant things in life, I decided to own up and step up, to take responsibility for my own negativity. Instead of blaming, avoiding, and resisting the truth, I would accept it. And, somehow, I would ease up on exaggerating the negative.

I welcomed the situation as it was, opening up to the possibilities for change within me and around her.

I knew all about the current emotional fitness trends telling us to surround ourselves with only happy, positive people and to avoid negative people—the us versus them strategy for better emotional health. I saw this as disconnecting, though. We all have times when we accentuate the positive and moments when we exaggerate the negative. We are all connected in this.

Instead of attempting to continue to disconnect, to avoid being with negativity, while just denying my own, I wanted to reconnect, with compassion and kindness toward both of us.

She and I shared in this negativity together. And once I made the connection, and saw our connection, a few simple, and maybe a little more mindful thoughts began to enter my mind, and my heart. This reconnection would be made possible through love.

And these simple little, love-induced thoughts spoke up something like this:

• Patience can sit with negativity without becoming negative, rushing off to escape, or desiring to disconnect from those who choose negativity. Patience calms me.

• And while I’m calm, I can change the way I see the situation. I can see the truth. Instead of focusing on what I don’t like, I can see positive solutions. I can deal with it.

• I can try to see the situation from the other person’s perspective. Why might this woman choose or maybe need to speak with such negativity? I can be compassionate.

• Why does what this woman chooses or needs to say cause me to feel irritated, angry, or resentful? I have allowed her words to push my negativity buttons. I can’t blame her.

• She doesn’t even know my buttons exist. She’s only concerned with her own needs. I’ve never even told her how much her negativity bothers me. I see what truly is.

• I see that we are both unhappy with our shared negativity. People who complain and gossip and sacrifice themselves for others aren’t happy. I can help to free us both.

• I will only help. I will do no harm. I have compassion for us both. I will show kindness toward both of us. I will cultivate love for us, too. I choose to reconnect.

• I will start with me and then share love with others. May I be well and happy. May our family be well and happy. May she be well and happy. I choose love.

And whenever I saw her, I greeted her with a kind smile. I sometimes listened to her stories, excusing myself whenever her words became unkind, much the same as I had done before. But I noticed the negativity no longer lingered within me. It disappeared as soon as I began choosing love again. I was freed. And I was happier. And compassion, kindness, and love had made me so.

My desire was not to speak my mind in an attempt to change hers, to change her apparent need in choosing negative words. I did hope she might free herself from negativity and liberate herself by choosing positivity instead. Our reconnection was complete, quite unlimited, too, and it gave me hope that happiness could be ours, shared through our connection.

I continue to cultivate this loving connection, being compassionate and kind whenever people, myself included, choose to speak negative words, for we all do from time to time. We are positively connected in this negativity thing, and everything else. And compassion, kindness, and love happily connect us all.

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The First Step to a Happier, Healthier and Better You

Going under the assumption that we all have room for improvement... how would you describe a better, happier version of yourself? Or better yet try to visualize what a 'better you' would look and sound like.

Would you speak a little softer and be a little more kind? Would you speak a little louder and be a little more assertive?

Would you make more money? Would you give away more money to a charity or church?

Would you stress less and spend more time with family?

Perhaps you see yourself as thinner or stronger or having more energy. Or maybe it's a new more active you that no longer suffers with back pain.

Chances are you have envisioned yourself looking, living, feeling or even behaving differently.

There's also a good chance you have thought about how you might transform yourself into what you see as that better version of yourself, or even made attempts to make a change.

Were you successful in your plight or did you fall short?

The Real First Step to Success

A few weeks ago I found myself knee deep in a 'spirited debate' with my brother-in-law. He's a fairly hardheaded and opinionated fella who doesn't care for being told he's wrong.

And while I will usually just agree with him on most of his points whether I concur or not, on this evening I had to stand my ground.

He was convincingly making the time-tested argument that everything we do begins with a thought and our thoughts become our words and words our actions.

The problem for me didn't arise so much in that I didn't agree with what he was saying but rather what he was applying it to.

You see Javier was applying it to improving your own life or at least aspects of your life like your health, financial situation, etc.

My argument was that just having thoughts about (thinking about) and deciding to improve your health, for example, will not in and of itself lead to you making the required healthy changes. The reason for this is that 'your thoughts' are not supported or anchored by something bigger and so can easily slip away resulting in no words and no actions.

In other words, for your determination to make a change stick, it must be anchored by a bigger reason - a foundation if you will.

This foundation that your thoughts are based on is called your WHY.

By first figuring out 'why' you want to make changes in your life, you will also create the strong foundation on which your thoughts about how to accomplish your 'why' will sit.

Why do you want to stop smoking?

Why do you want to lose 50 pounds?

Why do you want to more assertive?

Why do you want to be a kinder person?

Why do you want to start exercising?

Why do you want to give away part of your income?

By first determining and clearly defining why you are going to make this change in your life, no longer will your thought just be 'I'm going to eat better this year,' but rather is will look more like this:

'I'm going to eat better food and stop drinking soda this year so I can set an example of how to be healthy for my kids and give them the best possible advantage in life.'

Or...

'I'm going to give away 5% of my income to XYZ children's charity so I can give even just one child half the nourishment and security that my child experiences every day.'

Think about YOUR why. Write it down and carry it with you so your 'why' is always in your pocket or purse. Read it 5 times a day for one month. Watch yourself change.

Dr. Daron Stegall is a board certified chiropractor in Keller Texas at Express Chiropractic & Wellness.

Express Chiropractic Keller provides those living and working in Keller a convenient, effective and affordable chiropractic care option.

Because of the central location, the Express Chiropractor Keller also serves as a Wautaga chiropractic, North Fort Worth chiropractic and North Richland Hills chiropractic provider.

Dr. Stegall also works as a chiropractic business and marketing consultant at Successful Chiro.

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Memory Lost and Happiness

What haunts your days and nights? Memories are the ghost of your present time. Remembrance of places, events and people. Overwhelmingly you are haunted by the slip-ups and the errors that you have made. Perhaps there was bullying or cruelty of some kind stuck there in the past to overshadow your present and make it very unpleasant, if not downright psychologically painful.

What happens when you are so caught up in what is going on now that those memories have no power in the moment to haunt you? What happens when you forget yourself? You feel happier, of course. You have, for an instant of time, thrown the monkey of the past from off your back and enjoyed the present moment.

The past, however, clings to you like the goo from a sticky honey bun. You turn around and there it is. Stealing your present time happiness with its shadows of doubts and misdeeds. Would that you could rid yourself of such specters. It can be done. Here's how.

Detach yourself from the past. Live in this moment. Every time a thought about the past presents itself to you, say to yourself, "I live in this moment."

The past may have very useful information for you. How to drive. What foods not to eat because you have an allergic reaction to them. What people to avoid because they are toxic to your system. So you don't give up the past entirely. You don't live as if it never happened.

You do live as if you live in this moment. That thought could not be accurate. This is the only moment that you really have. The past is now only a series of electronic trails in your mind. The more resolutely you hold on to those electromagnetic trails, the more power you give them to rule the present moment.

Say to yourself, "I live in this moment. My memories are only that - just electromagnetic trails in my mind." When you do that enough times, you will build new pathways in your brain that are much more free of the past. "I live in this moment."

When you have detached yourself from your past and live in this moment, then happiness of the exterior kind will flood into your consciousness. When you unburden yourself of past events and things and even, sometimes, people, you will find much more happiness. I call this exterior happiness because it has to do with that which is outside of you.

While exterior happiness is important and real for you, interior happiness is of greater significance. When you find and possess interior happiness you will know that you are accepted just as you are, no strings attached. In a sense you have detached from everything else and become attached to The All There Is.

The All There Is does not care what is in your past. The All There Is never holds your past against you. It accepts you as you are - in this moment. Here, then, exterior and interior happiness intersect and you find both kinds of happiness. Total, unconditional acceptance while living in this moment is the highest form of happiness.

Lose the memories in terms of them haunting your waking minutes. Live in this moment through complete and utterly condition-less acceptance.

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Another Five Ways To Be Happy

Here's still another way to look at happiness; this definition deals mostly with exterior happiness - happiness we use in everyday life.

There are five parts, in my estimation:

1. Be Open-eyed
2. Be Argus-eyed
3. Be Ringside
4. Set Aside.
5. Decide.

We will deal with them one by one.

Number 1: Be Open-eyed. This means you need to exert mindful effort in seeing, finding, hearing the good that is all around you. Yes, there is plenty of negativity to be had; it sometimes seems to shake its fist in your face.

Thus, you need to search for good. Ofttimes you may even have to grub it out. I watched a docudrama on the tsunami that hit in Indonesia some years ago, killing hundreds of thousands of people. Though those thousands died, and the physical destruction was incredible, the docudrama showed how there could be good presenting itself coming even in those circumstances. People grew; people persevered; people found strength they never knew they had.

May your life never be invaded by a tsunami. But may you be ever opened-eyed to the good that can be found in virtually everything and everyone.

Number 2: Be Argus-eyed. Argus-Panoptes was the all seeing god of Greek mythology. He is often pictured as having 100 eyes. Here the point is that you need to be curious - all-seeing.

Many people merely go through life neglecting half the fun of it - half the happiness that is available externally, because they do not observe well. It is as if they live with blinders on. (Blinders are small plates so placed on a horse's tack that the horse can only see forward. This is good for the horse because it is then undistracted from its task by what may be happening at the periphery of its task.)

I don't mean that you allow yourself to be constantly distracted, of course not. I do mean that you need to be aware of as much of life as you possibly can. This means you need to make a deliberate effort to do more than look forward. So much good can be found at the periphery of your days that it would be a shame to miss the good items and events because you weren't paying attention.

Number 3: Be Ringside. This one easily comes after the last - position yourself in life in such a way as to not drop what you do not wish to miss. Get this - this is another intentional act on your part.

Suppose you are interested in antique planes. A traveling show of such airplanes is coming to your city. To see and experience those planes, however, you have to get up off your couch and purchase a ticket and actually go to the car show. Total couch-potatoes need not apply.

Life happens to those who participate. Of course, you can't do everything. But you can do some things. Get off your duff and do them.

Number 4: Set Aside. Decide that every day you will do something to expand your exterior happiness. You make this into a very good habit.

Find yourself, every day, appending something to your total happiness by doing something, thinking something, being something that conveys joy to you. As childish as this may sound, what fun you could have.

Believe it or not, some folks, a great many, find negative stuff in their day to day lives. And they surely find it. Misery loves company and misery will accompany these folks in the way of unhappiness as surely as the sun rises in the East every morning.

You can have exactly the opposite according the laws of attraction. Deliberately, consciously set aside the energy to look into the positive and you will find your life brim over with positivity.

Number 5: Decide. Consciously make up your mind to have more exterior happiness in your life. "Make up your mind" is the operative phrase here. Build your mind into such a commonwealth that you can do nothing else but be happy exteriorly.

(Interior happiness is spiritual and is the subject of many other of my articles.)

Happiness is primarily and cardinally a decision. Most folks slippery-slope into the mode of being unhappy. It is a least-resistance way to live one's life. It is the indolent person's way through the days of their years.

If you would be happy on a regular and consistent basis, then you must decide to be happy. There is no other way to put it. You have the privilege, being human, of making choices. You are a choice-maker. Unhappiness is chosen however lackadaisically that may come about.

Happiness is also chosen but there is nothing lackadaisical about this choice. You decide. Then you ride that decision for all its worth. Make no mistake, what you decide is how your life will be.

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